Strokes
can steal away a person's speech, mobility, and can chip away at his or her
personality. This, I now know because I
became the primary caregiver for my mother-in-law. In the beginning, it wasn't an easy
decision.
However,
for me, it was a necessary one. Pam,
my mother-in-law, was a remarkable person deserving of the best care
possible. Consequently, my husband and I
decided to do what was best for all of us.
My experiences may help those of you considering if caring for a family
member may be the best decision for you as well.
Making the decision, will it
be home or a facility.
Pam nearly died from the severe stroke that
left her in a coma. The hospital didn't
keep her long and suggested placing her in a nearby convalescent home. Good advice since she was connected to IVs
and tube-fed. After a few months, Pam woke and her feeding tube was removed.
It was then, that we could entertain the notion of taking her home.
We
considered all aspects of in-home care.
First, could we afford it?
Second, could we weather it as a couple? Third, is it in Pam's best
interest? After deliberating for a solid week and discussing the prospects with
her doctors, we realized that this is something we could and had to do.
Get specific training tailored
for the patient.
I
chose to be Pam's full-time caretaker.
However, I trained to be a
teacher, not a nurse so I felt extremely intimidated. Since her left side was paralyzed and needed
to be transferred from the bed to her chair, she required specialized care. Additionally, bathing would be difficult, and
she was incontinent.
At
the convalescent home, I became a regular fixture. At the end of my second week of shadowing the
nurses, I felt ready to take Pam home.
Before that was possible, an occupational therapist came to our home to
make it more Pam-friendly. She advised
about required equipment – like a hospital bed – and home safety tips, like
removing rugs.
Create a daily routine and try
to stick to it.
Caring
for someone is a full-time job. Consequently,
it's best to create a schedule to keep organized. Ours included preparing Pam for the day,
her meals, exercise, and daily walks--with her in a wheelchair. I
also penciled in time for bird watching—her favorite activity.
How to deal with friends and
family.
Well-meaning
friends and family most often don't understand the patient's needs. Many often tend to scrutinize the caregiver offering
useless or even harmful advice. Case in
point, Pam couldn't eat solid food, but her visitors insisted she could. One even caused an aspiration resulting in an
additional hospital visit.
My
husband and I created a solid, united force and were extremely strict about
"the rules". I was cordial but firm.
Stress can be your worse
enemy.
A
stroke victim can be childish at times, caregivers become grouchy, and the
stress level can become overwhelming. There
were days I would just sit and cry because I was so tired. I knew Pam didn't need my stress
compounding hers. Therefore, we hired a
mom-sitter and my husband would take me out for dinner every other week. Once a week, he would sit with his mother
while I walked alone taking in the quiet.
All of us benefitted from those stress-reducing brain tidies.
Providing
full-time care for an ill family member can be done, but you must be prepared
and consider the impact on all involved.
It can also be extremely rewarding.
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