My doctors informed me that my waning sex drive and painful intercourse is normal for a postmenopausal woman. Eager to change my fate, I turned to my computer for help. Most sources agree that due to lowering hormone levels sex drive decreases, the vagina thins, and it loses its natural lubrication causing painful intercourse. Conversely, many also state that postmenopausal women tend to have a great sex life. Armed with this confusing information, I decided to revisit my doctor.
What Are My Options?
I tend to be open, assertive, and direct with my doctor. She knows me well, well enough to know I will not take unnecessary drugs. Still, her job includes mentioning pain-reducing alternatives, which boiled down to hormone replacement therapy or water-soluble lubricants.
Hormone replacement therapy is a short-term option due to possible side effects. With my personal history of breast cancer, we both felt that the considerable risk outweighed any positive return. She did persuade me to try a topical low-dose estrogen replacement, which promised to restore my vagina to a pre-menopause state.
Migraines and Bruises...Oh My!
With
the thought of increased intimacy with my loving and very understanding husband,
I reluctantly tried the cream. I can
only assume the erotic dreams were a positive side effect of the drug; after
all, one side effect is dementia.
Besides the dreams – which thoroughly enjoyed – intercourse was
great. I applied it at the lowest
possible dose, once a week for the first month and then twice a week thereafter.
During the second month, however, I began noticing some mysterious huge bruises
on various parts of my body. Bruises are
bad enough, but the blinding migraines were enough to call for a full stop.
Great Sex Begins in the Head Anyway...Doesn’t it?
Relying
on my many years of psychology classes, I found that working on what's inside
my head, instead of my vagina worked best. I began by asking myself a couple of
questions. What exactly is preventing me
from having a satisfying sexual experience? Moreover, if my sex drive were stuck in low
gear, why would I even consider reviving it in the first place? Once I formulated the questions, I realized
that I'm already more than halfway to where I need to be—thinking of sex
implies the existence of a libido. Obviously,
I need to focus more on what arouses the both of us, spend more time engaging
in those activities, and find a way to have pain-free sex without the
drugs.
Postmenopausal Women Can be Sexy
Since
great sex begins in the head, my first step was to think sexy. Flirting with my husband, kissing his neck
as I pass him – while giving him the come-hither look – and touching him often
fills our days now. We spend more
quality time together. Foreplay is an all-day event with touching,
kissing, and cuddling well before drawing the sheets back. With a water-based lubrication and our
lengthy pre-coital prep, intercourse is pain-free and pleasurable. Yes, postmenopausal women
can have a great sex life.
Tips
Flirt,
think "sexy" and love the body you have.
Get
enough sleep.
Try
having sex in rooms other than the bedroom.
Exercise
regularly
to maintain stamina.
Reduce
alcohol intake.
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