How to Maintain Your Relationship After Retirement
Finally,
you are both retired and in charge of your destiny, or at least your alarm
clock. You probably looked forward to the allure of the freedom
retirement holds. However, did you consider your mate's ideas
about how these days may play out? Have you made a game plan for
spending those many hours in a shared space? Your vision of
retirement living may be quite different from your mate's. To avoid divorce
court and to get the most out of your retirement years, let’s discuss some
basic rules newly retired couples should consider.
Rule One: Talk
Communication
is central in all relationships. Since
you are now sharing the same space, speak up when issues and misunderstandings
arise. Now is the time to learn how to talk to your other
half.
Stating
in a Discovery Fit
and Health article, Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D., and Gay Hendricks, Ph. D stress
using blameless communication by “speaking in statements of fact that can't be
argued.” And, to request what you want instead of complaining about not
receiving it.
Rule Two: Listen
Surely,
you learned quite a bit while toiling for others. So use the most
important workplace skill you have learned. Listening is
crucial for a good personal relationship. Become an active,
attentive listener and avoid the dreaded "Uh-huh" while pouring over
the newspaper or checking your cellphone
notifications. Put it down and truly listen. When your
spouse speaks, look up and concentrate on the meaning of the words
spoken. Attempt to understand the message and repeat the
meaning. This implies that you value the message, and in effect
value him or her as well.
Rule Three: Do not interrupt!
One
of the first manners rules we teach children is not to
interrupt. Yet, we interrupt our partner
daily. This is a dismissive
behavior implying that we are more important than the person
speaking. It is insulting and can grate on a person until one day he
or she blows. To avoid the well-deserved tongue lashing, follow rule
two and wait your turn to speak.
Rule Four: Be Considerate
Charley,
flustered that Sue did not follow his instructions asks, "How's this going
to work if you don't do what I say?" Some may feel the same as
Charley, aka Kevin Costner – from the movie Open Range – that a
request is made, the other should jump. Sue, aka Annette Bening, was
not about to be told what to do, as is the same with many of
us.
Even
if one or both of you supervised others while in the workforce, neither of you
are today. You are not the boss; you are a partner in
life. If you have a request, ask politely. To do
otherwise is to minimize your partner, which could result in the silent
treatment...or worse.
Additionally,
consider your partner's opinion. Your spouse has made decisions at
work and at home without your input for years. The opinion just may be
right. Regardless, it is valuable, as is the person with the
opinion.
Lastly,
do not forget to notice the positives and offer compliments often.
Rule Five: Share Time
He
may want to golf all day while she envisions enrichment activities like taking
cooking classes and listening to lectures at the nearby
university. Discuss your preferences and if there is no middle
ground, compromise. Trade-off. She joins you for a game
of golf and then you learn to cook Italian with her. Alternately,
share the perceived boring activity with friends while your significant other
does the same. Yet, to maintain the relationship, it is essential to
find mutually satisfying activities to share
together.
Enjoy
Your Retirement! You earned it.
Keep Reading
Flirting 101: How to
Flirt Effectively
How to Know What
Gifts to Give When Dating
Health Tips for
Women: Why You May Need More Sleep
Comments
Post a Comment